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Real women vs Ladies

Leftover wine

Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Real Women - Leftover wine?? Hello!!

Headaches

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Real Women - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who the hell cares!

Ice Cream

Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on your ass on the couch, with your feet up anyway.

Potatoes

Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Real Women - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry about the potatoes growing arms and legs.

Cake recipe

Ladies - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white powdery mess on the bottom of the cake.
Real Women - Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate the son of a bitch for you.

Eggs

Ladies - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Real Women - Sara Lee frozen freakin pie directions do not include brushing egg whites, so don't do it.

Opening jars

Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Real Women - Go ask the very HOT neighbour guy to do it.

 

And finally the most important tip...
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn... that was fun!!

 

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